WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
