i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
