So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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