1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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