Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
