i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
