1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
