Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You have to summon your inner elephant
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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