yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
