even my farts smell like vagina
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He felt like a one man threesome
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
