I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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