If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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