Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
