Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
