She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
