We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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