he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
