***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
