Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
