her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
