I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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