Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
