so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
