You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
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After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
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I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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