just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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