I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
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