I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
