I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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