It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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