You're a womanizer and a bitch.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
