Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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