I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
