Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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