I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
