he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
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dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
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I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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