he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
