So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
my shit smells like andre
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
