I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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