you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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