i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
