Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
