I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize