He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
