I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just invented taco cereal.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
