I don't usually arrange sex via text message
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
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That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
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The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize