I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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