you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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