she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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