is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I wish there were birth control emojis
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
