I'm pants shitting drunk right now
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
