i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
