if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
