You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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