And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
