i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
