yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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