You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
