why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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