I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
